in the past: why I finally told this story

Some stories you choose to tell. Others stay with you until you do. in the past is the second kind, a film I've wanted to make for many years.

It follows Alan, a middle-aged man who arranges to meet his former mentor, Nigel, determined to finally say what he has kept quiet for decades. The dialogue and setting are fictional, but the story underneath is rooted in truth.

Breaking the silence

I know from experience how hard it is to talk about past trauma, particularly as a man. There's a strong pull to play it down, explain it away or simply say nothing. For a long time, that's what I did.

Writing this film changed that. Turning experience into a script gave me distance. A memory became a scene, a feeling became a line of dialogue, and something that once felt too heavy to hold became something I could shape and, slowly, understand.

I didn't expect it to bring a sense of calm, but it did.

A story told through what isn't said

I made a deliberate choice not to show the past events on screen. I was more interested in their echoes, and the way they quietly shape who we become, how we relate to others and how we see ourselves.

I wanted the audience to piece the story together alongside the characters, through awkward pauses and unfinished sentences. In my experience, people often reveal far more through what they can't say than through what they can.

We set the meeting in the calm, polished surroundings of an upscale café in the Cotswolds. That contrast was intentional. Some of the hardest conversations of our lives happen in the most comfortable places.

Trust on set

Playing Alan myself meant stepping into something very close to home in front of the camera. I could only do that because of the right people around me.

Tim Berrington (pictured) brought a measured charm to Nigel that makes him all the more unsettling. Kassius Nelson gave Jessie a innocent grace and a final look of realisation that stays with you. Jeremy Read's cinematography held the tension in every frame, and Ariana May's score gave voice to emotions that the characters couldn't express. I'm also hugely grateful to 1st AD Dan Willis, Ellie Frost for her creative ideas and to Nicola Berry, who produced the film with such a calm strength, and to the many others who gave their time and their talent and were sensitive to the uncomfortable theme. And to Bonnie, our on-set friend, who kept spirits up between takes!

Sharing something this personal with a team was not easy. But it reminded me how much trust grows quickly when you allow yourself to be honest and vulnerable.

Why it matters

Making in the past has been one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. My hope is that audiences connect with Alan's courage in facing Nigel, and that the film creates a little more space for those conversations that remain hidden.

If it helps even one person feel less alone with their own story, it will have been worth it.